Complete with a battle horn and a War Horse, Saint Louis Anarchy stormed Spaulding Hall in Alton, Illinois on Friday night for their aptly named Battle of Spaulding event. As the name Anarchy suggests, the evening could be best described as controlled chaos. Chaos is something the Saint Louis Anarchy faithful have become used to over the years. 

(obligatory spoiler warning to those planning on watching on Independent Wrestling TV, results below)

Billie Starkz def. Rahne Victoria

Billie Starkz promised to make Rahne Victoria smile. I don’t know if she was successful in that venture, but she did hit Victoria really, really hard. Starkz, known as Space Jesus to her fans at Anarchy, soaked up chants and cheers from those who bought tickets to the Anarchy pre-party. Rahne Victoria will look to rebound after falling just short on Friday night. I cannot confirm whether or not she made a kid cry at Anarchy like she did at Dynamo Pro. 

After the pre-party match, Everett Connors, with his bear in tow, came out to get to know the audience before the main show started. One fan threatened the bear, and Connors had to play peacemaker and diffuse the situation before it got out of hand. Connors attempted to get to know some fans, while some rudely snubbed his innocent attempt at trying to befriend the crowd.

Anthony “Sharkbait” Gutierrez def. “Big Beef” Gnarls Garvin

Going into this match, I knew to expect pain. Sharkbait and Big Beef are gaining reputations for making guys hurt in their own unique way. Gutierrez, who’s embraced the “Sharkbait” moniker, has twenty-nine wins in MMA, and his signature leg kicks chop his opponents down no matter what ring he’s in. Sure, Big Beef’s expertise is less technical, but what Garvin lacks in grappling technicality he more than makes up for with big clubbing blows that keep him in any match. 

Reigel Twins def. Diamond Dogs

(First, I have to apologize for not previewing this one, as I didn’t quite figure out the whole card when hastily preparing my preview for Battle of Spaulding. Sorry!) Both tag teams came out to positive response from those inside Spaulding Hall, but throughout the match the crowd started to support the Diamond Dogs more. Maybe it was their really cool cannon that shoots out a fireball when they enter. The Reigel Twins are incredible athletes, and their high-octane tag team style that demands that athleticism. The Anarchy crowd didn’t like them winning in controversy, after distracting the referee. 

“Lonestar” Curt Stallion def. Chip Day

Another match I did not preview! But unlike the previous which was merely my own oversight, this match was a late addition to the card, and a surprise return to Anarchy for Curt Stallion, who bathed in the roar of the fans in attendance. A “(expletive) em up Stallion, (expletive) em up” chant broke out when the two competitors stared each other down in the ring. Chip Day clearly felt unappreciated in comparison, and looked to take his frustrations out on Curt Stallion’s body. Day’s shots echoed throughout the hall, Stallion coiling back from each blow. Lonestar has a difference maker in his pocket however, and pulled out his trademark headbutts and sealed the victory. 

After the match, Stallion grabbed a microphone. He proceeded to talk to the Anarchy crowd about the Four Pillars of St. Louis wrestling. (the four pillars being Gary Jay, War Horse, Davey Vega, and Mat Fitchett, the four most popular St. Louis wrestlers in the independent wrestling scene) “It wasn’t until I came here from Texas and laid down the foundation that the Four Pillars stand on” Stallion claimed. He then demanded a match with one of the aforementioned Four Pillars. 

The Besties In The World def. Jake Dirden and Christian Rose

As I tweeted, it wouldn’t be Saint Louis Anarchy without the Besties In The World. The duo have become international, even winning a tag team title in the UK, but are still most at home within the confines of Spaulding Hall. Jake Dirden and Christian Rose were not as impressed by the “Truly, Madly, Deeply” entrance as the fans in attendance. The Besties played their hits, as the knowledgeable Anarchy fans cheered along with their tag team offense. Dirden and Rose have less frills to their attack, and they had the strength advantage in this battle, and seemingly had the match won, dominating much of the pace. At one point, Davey Vega accidentally superkicked his Bestie, Mat Fitchett, and drew audible gasps from the crowd. Despite a strong showing from Dirden and Rose, the Besties pulled it out in the end, to the joy of the majority of the crowd. As they left, they had one message: “Fuck the Workhorsemen.”

Gary Jay def. Chris Dickinson

Some might have seen this match as a warmup for “The Dirty Daddy” Chris Dickinson, who faced former UFC Heavyweight Champion Josh Barnett a mere day later at the former champion’s “Bloodsport” event. Gary Jay made sure Dickinson didn’t look ahead to that fight too much, absorbing the violent, technical, precise blows and slams and giving his own right back. Dickinson was made aware he had a real fight on his hands, and looked to end the fight quickly with some ferocious brainbusters, targeting the head and neck of Gary Jay. 

Gary Jay, the “Stiff Robo Ginger”, the leader of the Gary Jay Movement that is largely headquartered at Spaulding Hall, has become a fan favorite for his willingness to throw it all on the line. As ever, his tenacity was on display in this match, most notably when he dove out of the ring in an attempt to attack a downed Dickinson. Gage flew threw the air headfirst, Dickinson dodged the dive, and Jay crashed into the steel folding chairs that surrounded the ring. According to guys who were foolish enough to have a cigarette outside during this match, you could hear the thud of Gary Jay crashing into chairs from the sidewalk. In a flurry of an exchange of blows, Jay landed a knockout shot, and pinned Dickinson for a huge statement win. 

Mikey, one half of the tag team Roscoe Eat Lisa, made a surprise visit to Anarchy and claimed that he was nearing the top of the Anarchy food chain before he was injured. Now back healthy, he made a challenge, politely demanding a match for Jeremy Wyatt’s Gateway Heritage Championship. We’ll have to wait and see if this challenge comes to fruition.  

Evan Gelistico def. Cole Radrick, Ace Perry, Kody Lane in a four way

Evan Gelistico touted that he would have new gear for this four way matchup, and came to the ring prepared, with a golf club, aluminum baseball bat, and hockey stick. The match was hectic, but luckily Evan Gelistico didn’t have to hit anyone with a golf club. Despite falling short of the victory, IFHY’s Cole Radrick really won over the Anarchy fans, even having his hand held high by Gelistico after the match. Anarchy faithful should be on the lookout for more Cole Radrick in the future. 

Everett Connors (accompanied by Raul the Bear) def. Kenway

No one likes Kenway. Even his own dad boos him from front row. Maybe in response to this, he’s ditched his first name, and refers to himself as “The Kenway”. His attitude toward the Anarchy fans has never won him any cheers, and he likes it that way. Everett Connors came to the ring absolutely dripped out. Clean Yeezys, a clear plastic(?) shirt, and neon green shorts almost made me forget that he was Anarchy’s version of “Rudy” a short time ago. Connors still even gets the occasional “Play Like A Champion Today” chant, referencing the plaque Notre Dame football players tap on their way to the field. I was wondering if the Yeezys would limit Connors’ mobility in the ring, and he went down in a heap, which made me wonder if he twisted his ankle with a lack of proper footing. Connors was faking the injury, and bought himself time and separation from Kenway, eventually sneaking a victory and making Kenway look foolish in the process. No bears were hurt in the happenings of this match. 

Gateway Heritage Championship Match: Jeremy Wyatt (c) def. Thomas Shire

Under the title reign of mat technician Jeremy Wyatt, the Gateway Heritage Championship belt has always been defended under “Pure Wrestling Rules”. Those rules state that a wrestler only gets three rope breaks to save themselves from submission moves, and if a wrestling rule is broken, such as using a closed fist to strike an opponent, a wrestler loses one of those rope breaks. Unfortunately for Thomas Shire, that left him without one of his biggest weapons, his striking offense, but Shire is no stranger to mat work himself. Before the show, Stepstool Sarah, the ring announcer for Saint Louis Anarchy, tried to get a feel for who was the fan favorite in the title match. The crowd booed Shire. They booed Jeremy Wyatt even more, and prompted a “Shire’s better” chant. Shire fought valiantly, and maybe won over some hearts and minds of the people, but the champion prevailed yet again. Jeremy Wyatt has now defended the Gateway Heritage Championship 19 times, and his grip on Saint Louis Anarchy remains as tight as ever.

Nick Gage def. War Horse

This match was wilder than advertised. Fans often don’t know what to expect when Nick Gage steps into the ring. Combine that with the 1000 mph engine that War Horse is seemingly constantly running on, (he even tweets in HIGH ENERGY ALL CAPS) and you have a perfect recipe for a one-on-one war. Maybe five minutes into the match War Horse demanded a pile of chairs on the Spaulding Hall floor, and fans were quick to oblige. War Horse hit Gage with a painful snap suplex that left the Game Changer Wrestling Champion reeling on the floor, holding his head in pain from the chair impact. 

With people no longer in their chairs, the crowd was basically a mob forming around wherever the wrestlers were, which wasn’t always in the ring. I’m not even sure who brought the flaming skull to the ring, but Nick Gage piledriving War Horse on it even if it meant he nearly burned himself in the process, was a highlight of the night, and of the year of wrestling as a whole for me. War Horse’s rebuttal to the flaming skull piledriver was a chair covered in thumbtacks, which bloodied Gage, who may or may not actually feel pain. War Horse also instructed the ring crew to disassemble the ring, taking the mat off, and exposing the wooden boards underneath. The two combattants slammed each other onto the hardwood more times than was probably necessary. Gage hit his signature piledriver on the boards and covered War Horse for the three count, to end the last battle at Battle of Spaulding. 

Gage’s work for the evening was not done. After the war was over, he grabbed the microphone, and addressed the raucous wrestling fans surrounding the ring. 

“Where’s my motherfuckin’ gang at?” Gage called for his feverish fans. “You motherfuckers know I’m the realest motherfucker in this business. I come to this fuckin’ company because this fuckin’ company is called Anarchy. So that means, anything fuckin’ goes, and that’s right up my fuckin’ alley. I love that shit. You got a fuckin’ world champion here that goes by the fuckin rules. That’s some fuckin’ pussy shit if its in my book.”

“Nick Gage, You are no king, you are no god, you’re just a future fucking number, and we’ll do it on my time.” said Gateway Heritage Champion, Jeremy Wyatt, in response.

“Since I’ve been here, I’ve beat two of the top motherfuckers here. You know what that means. Me and you. For the fuckin’ strap. This gang motherfucker don’t play by the fuckin’ rules. It’s MDK all fuckin’ day. St. Louis, I fuckin’ love you.”

Nick Gage, ending the show and sending a message to Jeremy Wyatt